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Literature Text
Tangled
and
astranged
the lost souls
of never forever.
The drifting endless
heartbreaks
of thoughtlessness.
A vagrant,
starving
on affectionless confections
of broken promises.
The helpless ghosts,
shells of once-were,
dream-shatter scarred wretches.
These pitiful tramps
of forsaken destinies,
their empty,
soundless voices
crack in the night
of unforgotten despair.
Stricken with grief
over the unfortunate noise
of humanity(?),
the countless offences
which lay spread open as sores
on unwanted flesh.
Snared in kismet
and false providence</sup>,
fated and jaded
in a meaningless existence.
and
astranged
the lost souls
of never forever.
The drifting endless
heartbreaks
of thoughtlessness.
A vagrant,
starving
on affectionless confections
of broken promises.
The helpless ghosts,
shells of once-were,
dream-shatter scarred wretches.
These pitiful tramps
of forsaken destinies,
their empty,
soundless voices
crack in the night
of unforgotten despair.
Stricken with grief
over the unfortunate noise
of humanity(?),
the countless offences
which lay spread open as sores
on unwanted flesh.
Snared in kismet
and false providence</sup>,
fated and jaded
in a meaningless existence.
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Decided to submit this to a group: in the hopes of getting some comments and criticism. I'd like to become a better writer, just not sure dA is the place for it. I guess we'll find out.
Mostly, I want to know if the metre/flow of the work could be improved and if there are any thoughts on word choices if there are better words I could have used to convey mental imagery. I mostly feel kind of bound by my vocabulary and try and work on it as much as I can.
Mostly, I want to know if the metre/flow of the work could be improved and if there are any thoughts on word choices if there are better words I could have used to convey mental imagery. I mostly feel kind of bound by my vocabulary and try and work on it as much as I can.
© 2010 - 2024 Apheline
Comments26
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Nice work...I like...