literature

False Providence

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Apheline's avatar
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Literature Text

       Tangled
                   and
                     astranged
          the lost souls
               of never forever.
    The drifting endless
                     heartbreaks
           of thoughtlessness.


            A vagrant,
               starving
        on affectionless confections
          of broken promises.


          The helpless ghosts,
                   shells of once-were,
              dream-shatter scarred wretches.

          These pitiful tramps
            of forsaken destinies,
                                   their empty,
                                  soundless voices
               crack in the night
                                of unforgotten despair.


           Stricken with grief
                    over the unfortunate noise
                of humanity(?),
            the countless offences
                    which lay spread open as sores
                on unwanted flesh.


        Snared in kismet
                   and false providence</sup>,
         fated and jaded
                            in a meaningless existence.
Decided to submit this to a group: :iconthewrittenrevolution: in the hopes of getting some comments and criticism. I'd like to become a better writer, just not sure dA is the place for it. I guess we'll find out.

Mostly, I want to know if the metre/flow of the work could be improved and if there are any thoughts on word choices if there are better words I could have used to convey mental imagery. I mostly feel kind of bound by my vocabulary and try and work on it as much as I can.
© 2010 - 2024 Apheline
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Nedici's avatar
Nice work...I like...